It is a well known fact that everyone in life experiences at least one “negative” event in their life. I put “negative” in quotations because everyone’s definition of “negative” is different, although still valid.

Since we know that everyone will go through an adverse experience in their life, it’s important that individuals have coping skills at their disposal.

What is a coping skill?

A coping skill can be defined as a method or skill a person uses to help them deal with a stressful event or situation.

Why are coping skills important?

Coping skills are important because they help us regulate our emotions in a way that allows us to handle stressful events more effectively.

Now that we have established the importance of coping skills, there are 5 basic coping skills that you should have in your tool box.

1. Progressive Muscle Relaxation
2. Positive Affirmations
3. Calm/Safe Place
4. Butterfly Tapping
5. Journaling

1. Progressive Muscle Relaxation

Progressive Muscle Relaxation is an exercise that reduces stress and anxiety in your body by slowly tensing and then relaxing each muscle. I like teaching people this one because this is a coping skill that you can literally do anywhere and no one is going to notice. So here are the steps:

1. Get in as comfortable of a position as possible
2. Start taking deep breaths – and continue deep breaths throughout the exercise
3. Tense your feet by curling your toes, focus on the feeling of tension and hold it for 5 seconds, then slowly relax your toes, noticing the new feeling of relaxation
4. Tense your calf muscles, focus on the feeling of tension and hold it for 5 seconds, then slowly relax your toes, noticing the new feeling of relaxation
5. Tense your thighs by squeezing them together, focus on the feeling of tension and hold it for 5 seconds, then slowly relax your toes, noticing the new feeling of relaxation
6. Tense your stomach by imagining you are pulling your belly button to your spine, focus on the feeling of tension and hold it for 5 seconds, then slowly relax your toes, noticing the new feeling of relaxation
7. Tense your back by pulling your shoulder blades together, focus on the feeling of tension and hold it for 5 seconds, then slowly relax your toes, noticing the new feeling of relaxation
8. Tense your arms by clenching your fists and squeezing your arms, focus on the feeling of tension and hold it for 5 seconds, then slowly relax your toes, noticing the new feeling of relaxation
9. Tense your face by distorting the muscles in your face, focus on the feeling of tension and hold it for 5 seconds, then slowly relax your toes, noticing the new feeling of relaxation
10. Tense your entire body, starting with your feet, then your calves, thighs, stomach, back, arms, face, focus on the feeling of tension and hold it for 5 seconds, then slowly relax your toes, noticing the new feeling of relaxation

2. Positive Affirmations

Most people don’t think that positive affirmations are a coping skill, but they absolutely are! People say more negative beliefs or statements to themselves than they tend to realize. There has been research that has shown that for every 1 negative statement you say to yourself, you need to say 5 positive statements just to negate that one negative statement. So if you tell yourself even 3 negative thoughts, you need to say 15 positive ones to get your headspace back to neutral. And if you want to be in a positive headspace, you would need to say more than that.

Now, when I have people do positive affirmations, a lot of them don’t follow through with them because they say, “well, I don’t believe them when I say them.” And I 100% understand that! The point in the beginning, isn’t to believe the positive statements. It is just to say them to yourself. Believing them will come later because it will take your brain some time to form those new neural pathways.

Get a piece of paper or a notecard, write 10 positive affirmations, look at yourself in the mirror and read the card to yourself every morning and every evening. Be consistent and over time you will start to believe them.

3. Calm/Safe Place

The calm/safe place exercise is something that is commonly used in EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) therapy, but it is based off of guided imagery.

How to create a calm/safe place:

1. Close your eyes
2. Think of a place, whether real or imagined, that makes you feel calm and/or safe. Notice all of the details in this place. What do you see? What do you hear? What do you feel? What do you smell? What do you taste?
3. Next, notice what emotions come up for you? What sensations do you have inn your body?
4. Focus in more detail on your calm/safe place.
5. To make these emotions stronger, utilize butterfly tapping (see down below).

4. Butterfly Tapping

Butterfly tapping is another skill that is commonly utilized in EMDR therapy. It uses bilateral stimulation to help regulate our nervous system when processing traumatic events, but we have found that it is also useful to help regulate our nervous system for other things besides trauma as well.

To do butterfly tapping, all you are going to do is take your right hand and put it on your left shoulder, and your left hand and put it on your right shoulder. Now, just tap one side at a time, alternating sides. So tap your right shoulder, than your left, right, then left. And there you have it! Butterfly tapping!

Side note: you can also do a variation of butterfly tapping which is just tapping the tops of your knee alternating sides. This one is a little less conspicuous to do if you are needing to regulate in public.

5. Journaling

Don’t under estimate the power of journaling. Now, I will say that journaling isn’t for everyone. And that’s OKAY. Coping skills aren’t a one size fits all. But for those who have journaled before or are wanting to get into journaling, I highly encourage it. There is something so therapeutic about taking a pen and putting your thoughts on paper that helps you get perspective and distance from whatever you are working through. Plus, it gives you an excuse to get a cute journal and new pens. Here are some of my favorite journals and pens.

Leather Journal – https://amzn.to/4ezEEUB

Lined, Spiral Journal – https://amzn.to/3RJ7fwO

Inspirational Journal – https://amzn.to/3VB8qQl

Pilot, G2, 0.7 Pens – https://amzn.to/45HUkB5

Mr. Pen Felt Tip Pens – https://amzn.to/45FYHwE